#Kate-Gate: maybe she just exited, pursued by a bear

Oh, wouldn't you know that the Kate Middleton story is now so big it just had to become "Kate-Gate"!

The Princess of Wales is missing and the spare Prince is in exile and the King is treating his cancer with herbs. If this were the 1300s France would be looking to invade.

— Stefan Smith (@TheStefanSmith) March 11, 2024

if I was kate middleton I would tweet “they got me” and then log off

— empress sissi (@historicalfits) March 13, 2024

I got about 8 seconds into explaining the Kate Middleton situation to my French husband before he told me, in the Frenchest voice imaginable, "ah yes, that's why we decided not to have those sorts of people anymore"

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) March 14, 2024

Husband: “So what’s the deal with all the Kate Middleton”

Me: “I thought you’d never ask.” *pulls out projector for my professional grade power point presentation*#KateGate #WhereIsKateMiddleton

— 📣Cheryl B (@forevermrsccbb) March 13, 2024

Imagine they bring Kate out to prove she’s fine but then they cut into her & it turns out she’s actually Cake Middleton instead. Will the horrors never cease

— Gwdihŵ 🦉 (@youwouldknow) March 14, 2024

Washington Post columnist Alexandra Petri has a whole list of possibilities [gift link] -- from turning into a giant bug, to stepping into a mysterious wardrobe, to falling down a rabbit hole, or just "exited, pursued by a bear" (ie, she left William). 

The late night TV talk shows are getting into the swing of things too:

The cover-up is always worse than the crime. #WhereIsKate #KateGate

pic.twitter.com/eSfnj4Q4mt

— LC (@lc1_summit) March 13, 2024

We also didn't warn them about the Boston Tea Party or the Battle of Yorktown and they both turned out pretty well, too.

Stephen Colbert owed the British monarchy nothing and the arrogance of such a statement is disgusting.

— Carla Pace (@carlapaceNY) March 14, 2024

Kate getting Meghaned, who herself was Dianaed. https://t.co/uhboPu0MZE

— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) March 14, 2024

Of course, people are noticing that Meghan wasn't treated the same way by the British tabs. Gee, I wonder why?

Remember when the British media and deranged royalists said that Harry & Meghan were becoming a laughing stock bc South Park made an episode about them? I wonder what they have to say about big US outlets like the Washington post making fun of William & Kate? #KateGate pic.twitter.com/Ts0rj9dD0b

— Julieth ❀ (@troubleshade) March 13, 2024

It’s not about race they said 🤨 #KateGate pic.twitter.com/k1mKzGhI8l

— claire (@claireXanda) March 13, 2024

The irony of this #KateGate / #katespiracy is that all the people who have abused, bullied and mistreated Meghan markle online and in print media for the last 6 years are coming out and asking people to be kind and to leave kate Middleton because of her mental health. pic.twitter.com/FpgPwPfWDu

— LORD DURMZY 🇳🇬🇬🇧 (@fender_lord) March 13, 2024

In the end, I expect it will turn out to be something quite dull and ordinary, like weight gain or an ostomy -  also perhaps proving that "dull and ordinary" isn't something the Royal Family understands:

There's a 95% probability that #WhereisKate is down to Kate Middleton looking puffy and not wanting to appear on camera. But since the royals have screwed this up so terribly, and because their media is so laughably sycophantic, I'm down to speculate about the other 5%. #KateGate

— Kara Calavera (@KaraCalavera) March 13, 2024

Have you ever been on steroids? I have. The moon face and general puffiness is a lot different than pregnancy weight, and she's fairly vain.

There's also the possibility she has something like an ostomy bag.

— Kara Calavera (@KaraCalavera) March 13, 2024

I mean, I always knew the British monarchy would fail after the Queen’s death, I just never thought it would be this quick, this brutal or this spectacularly self-inflicted! #WhereIsKate #WilliamIsaLiar #KateGate

— CronFest: Democracy forever (@CronFest) March 13, 2024