-Great line of the day

RossK is back and opens his newest post with this saying:

Why are there so many old people in church?
They're cramming for the final.

You know, Paul Anka is coming here to do a show and I said to my husband that, while I wouldn't really mind seeing him, I couldn't possibly handle a thousand grey-haired ancients (when they have hair at all), singing along to "And they called it puppy love."

Just fill in the blanks

Auguste at Pandagon finds the grand philosophical allegory for modern American life:

When the “Underpants Gnome” story first came out, we all mistook it for an e-Business allegory . . .
Phase 1 - Collect Underpants
Phase 2 - ?
Phase 3 - Profit
. . . Parker and Stone didn’t just nail the Internet bust with the underpants gnomes idea. They stumbled upon a grand philosophical allegory for modern American life.

Look how this can be applied to so many other other intractable problems. Like running out of oil:

Phase 1 - Run out of oil
Phase 2 - ?
Phase 3 - Alternative energy-based society

And winning in Iraq:

Phase 1: Escalate hostilities
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Peace

Hey, sounds easy to me...how about:
Phase 1 - Harper Conservatives break equalization promises
Phase 2 - ?
Phase 3 - All provinces treated fairly

Phase 1 - Coastal cities flood due to climate change
Phase 2 - ?
Phase 3 - New cities built

Carry on...

Cheney is ridiculous

Once again, the Republicans say something totally ridiculous and the Democrats and the media fall all over themselves developing arguments and position papers and analysis.
Of course the Vice-President is part of the Executive branch. There is absolutely nothing to argue about.
And of course Dick Cheney doesn't want to be subordinate to anybody so he has declared himself King of the World.
But that doesn't make it so.

On and on

I heard a talk show host today express his surprise that Harper said he would bring the troops home from Afghanistan in 2009 if that is what Canadians want.
But that's not what he said .
What he actually said was this:

... Harper hinted that a consensus might be possible if Canadian troops took on a different and perhaps less dangerous task should the current deployment be extended beyond the February 2009 deadline.
. . .
"I would hope the view of Canadians is not simply to abandon Afghanistan. I think there is some expectation that there will be a new role after February 2009, but obviously those decisions have yet to be taken."

So apparently we may have a "new role" but likely we will still be there.

Great post of the day

From August J. Pollak:

This is simultaneously the funniest and most horrible thing ever:

The most creative way to use a cat as a weapon happened in World War II. The United States' OSS (Office of Strategic Services, the precursor of the CIA) needed a way to guide bombs to sink German ships. Somebody hit upon the inspiration that since cats have such a strong disdain of getting wet and always land on their feet that if you attached a cat to a bomb and drop it in the vicinity of a ship, the cat's instinct to avoid the water would force it to guide the bomb to the enemy's deck. It is unclear how the cat was supposed to actually guide a bomb attached to it as it fell from the sky but the plan never got past the testing stages since the cats had a bad habit of becoming unconscious mid-drop.

If you do anything but visualize this, break into hysterical laughter, and then suddenly feel really terrible as a person, then I don't know what's wrong with you.

Good news

From an Anglican newsletter:

The General Synod of the Anglican Church of Canada has decided that same sex blessings, such as those carried out in the Diocese of New Westminster, are "not in conflict" with the core doctrine of the Church. [The vote was] 21 to 19 in the House of Bishops, and 152 to 97 by clergy and lay members voting together . . .

UPDATE: Well, not quite yet:

The General Synod of the Anglican Church of Canada has narrowly decided not to affirm same sex blessings in its 30 dioceses by turning down a “local option” resolution.
While lay members were in favour of affirming the jurisdiction and authority of local diocesan bishops to authorize the blessing by a vote of 78 to 59, and clergy delegates also approved 63 to 53, the Church’s bishops turned down the motion by two votes – 19 to 21.

Fire away!

I don't intend to snark about the innocent Afghanis who have been slaughtered by the Taliban suicide bombers and attacks. The civilian deaths that NATO troops are causing in Afghanistan are in no way comparable.
But I did think this story made it sound like NATO is writing off civilian deaths as just unfortunate collateral damage:

'If these things happen, they are mistakes, it's never intentional,' [NATO secretary-general Jaap de Hoop Scheffer]said . . . 'It can happen because our enemies use children and civilians as human shields.'

But our hearts are pure:

Defence Minister Gordon O'Connor, who was also in Quebec City, called for the civilian deaths to be put into perspective.
'From our point of view, a civilian gets killed and it's an error,' he said. 'But just recall that last week the Taliban killed 35 policemen and civilians in Kabul and they continue to do this. They continue to blow bombs off in their cities with indiscriminate actions. They don't care who gets killed.'

We, on the other hand, do.
But apparently, we fire anyway.
UPDATE: Boris has more at The Galloping Beaver: Self-Defeating Prophecy

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
'Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Epitaphs

Digby highlights Sidney Blumenthal's new piece in Salon about how the Bush Court is disintegrating.
Here's the classic line, quoting some unnamed Bush legal official:

"Not everything we've done has been illegal."

Sorta gobsmacks you, doesn't it? How can one respond to that -- well, at least they have SOME standards? Or, so this is the gang that brought dignity back to the White House? Its an epitaph for the whole Bush administration. Though speaking of epitaphs, here's one from George Will, too:

When, against the urgings of the Israelis, we pressed for the elections that overthrew Fatah, who we were backing and put in Hamas, Condoleezza Rice said nobody saw it coming. Those four words are the epitaph of this administration.

Great post of the day

From Kung Fu Monkey, Irrational Fear? IRRATIONAL?

The roller coaster in Montreal was plainly cobbled together from demolished lake-house decks and railroad ties. So although I waited for a half-hour in line with my comedian friends, I felt perfectly justified in stepping into the car, considering my options, and then stepping right on out the other side.
Oh, how they mocked. But my momentary cowardice still allowed me to retain a shred of dignity, and so was worth indulging. Because if I'd gotten on that ride, my friends would have actually heard me scream. Like a little girl. Like a little girl who just woke up because somebody licked her foot. Like a little girl who just woke up because somebody licked her foot, and then when she turns on the light there's an evil clown sitting in the middle of her bedroom, eating her pony.
There's no comeback from the clown-pony scream . . .

Read the whole thing, it gets better.
And don't miss the comments -- more stories to be read with the lights on. Because, as James Wolcott says, we all owe it to our friends to find some new stories:

. . . it's also imperative that I pay attention to what others say because, to be frank, I'm running dangerously short of personal, dispensable anecdotes. The winsome, self-mocking, namedroppy anecdotes that stood me in good stead for so many years have acquired so many age spots and faded hues that I can't bring myself to haul them out of the potato sack one more time.

You can set your clock by them

Kagro X at Daily Kos notes that June is the month when the Bush administration talks about closing Guantanamo.
And looking at the BBC Iraq timeline, September seems to be the month when Iraq is really turning a corner, while January is the month when significant progress is being made. April is the month when casualties skyrocket, thus demonstrating the imminence of American success.
At this rate, the US should be achieving the milestone of 5,000 troops killed right around the time of the 2008 Presidential election.
Or maybe faster -- now the American troops are being told to patrol on foot because Iraqi bombs are getting too good. And Robert Farley at Lawyers, Guns and Money notes that the return to "sweeps" is a demonstration of bankrupt strategy:

. . . maybe this offensive [in western Baquba] will achieve what no other counter-insurgency offensive has achieved (barring perhaps some minor local successes), and actually trap the 500 or so fighters that look like everyone else amid a civilian population that hasn't fled. If history is any guide, however, they won't; they'll catch and kill some, many more will escape, plenty of civilians will either be killed or have their houses destroyed, and little of any significance will be accomplished.

Somewhere else in the blogosphere, a link I cannot find now, I also read a question about what are they're doing in Baquba when it was supposed to be Baghdad that the surge was going to target. Oh well, that was last month's idea. Another day, another "plan" to win Iraq!

Try to imagine how little I care

'Serious flaws' in Saddam's trial, says HRW
The criticism is that the court "essentially assumed" Saddam's guilt, that the judges did not always maintain an impartial demeanour, and that the defendants were not allowed to properly confront witnesses.
Try to imagine how little I care.
Hussein had spent the previous 50 years killing tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis, including members of his own family. At least he got a trial, and while it may not have been as perfectly fair as it could have been, it was not a travesty of justice.
I don't understand why organizations like Human Rights Watch should spend their time trying to generate any sympathy for Saddam Hussein.

Great line of the day

Today Digby writes about the concern-troll pseudo-Democrat in the New York Times who thinks Democrats can get pro-life votes if they just start lying about whether they really support abortion. What Dibgy says:

The pro-choice movement has never made a moral judgment against any woman who chose to bear a child. In fact, we worked hard to allow her to be able to make that decision freely by working to eliminate the stigma that was once attached to divorce, out of wedlock births and other social restrictions on motherhood. We support every program out there that will help her raise her children if she decides to have them. We believe that women and men alike should be able to make enough money to support a family with a decent wage.
The other side treats women with unwanted pregnancies as either selfish sluts or childlike innocents who can't be trusted to make moral decisions at all. They would deny women birth control to help them avoid such circumstances and they believe the traditional nuclear family is the only legitimate way to raise children.
In other words the anti-choice movement makes it simultaneously more difficult for women to have children and more difficult for them to avoid it. So let's not fool ourselves. It's not about children. It's about women. And that means it is simply more conservative resistance to the long march of progress this country has made toward equal rights for all its citizens. The same philosophy that fought tooth and nail against every advance made to ensure that this is truly a free country by denying equal rights to all its citizens also animates those who argue that the rights of the fetus are paramount. It's just another way of ensuring that the rights of women aren't.

Emphasis mine.

More on Edwards

Another John Edwards hit piece, with no substance and a lot of vague innuendo.
Because if Edwards can get the democratic nomination, he would be unstoppable as a presidential candidate.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Edwards is breaking new ground by speaking at the San Francisco Pride Parade.
Interesting contrast, isn't it -- in some Canadian pride parades, the politicians are so thick there is talk that they have to be limited just so they don't overwhelm the real participants.

Overreaction

Joe Friesen at the Globe is becoming one of my "go-to" writers -- everything he covers is interesting, well-written and well-researched. Lately he has been covering the Saskatchewan high school student suspended because he told his classmates alcohol is worse than marijuana -- which, of course, it is.
The more I read about this story, the more obvious it is that this was an hysterical overreaction on the part of school officials -- drama queens who would rather lock down their school and call in the RCMP instead of just talking to an intimidatingly-brilliant 15-year-old boy. I guess he's just too scary!