Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Bush jokes

In the comments to the previous post, Flootsnooty tells this Bush joke:
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"
"Terrorists kidnapped President Bush and are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire. We are going from car to car to take up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?"
"About a gallon."
So I tell this to my husband and he immediately counters with this joke:
After Katrina a photographer was in New Orleans taking photos of the devastation when suddenly he sees President Bush floating past him. The photographer realizes he can either save Bush, or take a Pulitzer-prize-winning photo. So the question he has to answer is: colour film or black-and-white?
So I went on a search for more Bush jokes. Found some bad ones and some good ones:
In the light of all the criticism that George Bush is an idiot, the Republicans decide to hold a "George Bush Is Not Stupid" convention. Eighty thousand Republicans meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium.
Trent Lott says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that George Bush is not stupid. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce President George Bush."
After the cheers die down. Lott says "Mr. President, we're going to prove to the world once and for all that you are not stupid. So tell us, what is 15 plus 15?"
Bush, after scrunching up his face and concentrating real hard for a moment, declares, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the 80,000 Republicans start cheering, "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"
Trent Lott says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place, I guess we can do that." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds of chin-rubbing and grimacing, Bush meekly asks "Ninety?"
Trent Lott is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened.
But then Bush starts pouting, and suddenly the 80,000 Republicans begin to yell and wave their hands, shouting again "Give Bush another chance! Give Bush another chance!"
Lott, unsure whether he's doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
Bush looks down, counts on his fingers, and after a whole minute, proudly announces "Four."
A moment of total silence, then an electric charge surges through the stadium as pandemonium breaks out.
All 80,000 Republicans jump to their feet.
These GOP partisans start to wave their arms, stomp their feet and create a deafening roar:
"GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE BUSH ANOTHER CHANCE!"
And from Letterman
President Bush is on his Asian tour now. He'll visit Japan, China, South Korea, Mongolia. Once again, he's skipping Vietnam.

Great line of the day

John at Americablog gets it right:
. . . Bill Clinton and the Democratic Congress never declared war on Iraq. The Democrats saw the SAME evidence as Bush, or so Bush says, yet the Dems decided to use sanctions, the UN, targeted military operations, and diplomacy to contain Iraq, and it worked. Until Bush invaded, that is. So what Bush and Rummy are now admitting is that they had the same information that Clinton had, yet Clinton decided that invading Iraq was a dumb idea, while Bush deciced that invading Iraq was going to be a 'cake walk.' Remember that phrase? Yes, Mr. President, keep using this argument. Bill Clinton had the same information Bush had, yet Clinton didn't launch a poorly planned and executed war that has now turned into a quagmire and a money-hole, threatening to destabilize the entire region and fanning the flames of anti-American hatred and terror. So you're telling us you're an idiot. I feel better already.
Emphasis mine.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Great line of the day

In Vino Veritas says this in the Americablog comments: "Bush reminds me of what they used to say about Warren Hardings speeches: 'An army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea.' "

Stars and bars now

James Wolcott writes about the Senate decision on Friday to deny habeus corpus to the Guantanamo and Secret Prison inmates: "Torture, black sites, indefinite detention and deprival of due process--the United States has forfeited its right to lecture other nations about freedom and democracy. Red, white, and blue are no longer the true colors of this country's flag; the flags that fly in the Capital should be henceforth be prison gray."

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Which Monty Python character are you?

Dazzlin' Dino has found another great quiz -- which Monty Python character are you?
Me? Why, I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK, I sleep all night and I work all day...
though apparently I have issues, too.

You are a Lumberjack...with definite issues...
"You are a Lumberjack...with definite issues..."

What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hope springs eternal

Analysis: Bush Slump May Hobble World Role
Well, we can always hope . . .

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Turning your back on Canada

This was an insult to the office of the Governor General and to Canada as a whole: "a small number of veterans chose Friday's Remembrance Day ceremony in Ottawa to launch their protest against Canada's new Governor General. As Michaelle Jean laid a memorial wreath on the War Memorial, the words 'Turn, turn,' were called out, and about 25 people, led by veterans, turned their backs on the Governor General."
The organizer of this protest, a veteran named Frank Laverty, expected hundreds of people to show -- in the end, only about 25 did. The Royal Canadian Legion wasn't happy about this protest either:
The Legion issued a strongly-worded statement against a Remembrance Day protest, saying: 'Such action would be a disgrace and an offence to Her Majesty as well as to the memory of our fallen veterans.' . . . spokesman Bob Butts said: "We think it's the wrong time and the wrong place."

So I hope these veterans felt stupid as they shuffled around during the wreath-laying ceremony -- because they looked it:

Great line of the day

Brad Blog writes about the Bush speech:
Here was 'the message' [from Bush]: "While it's perfectly legitimate to criticize my decision or the conduct of the war, it is deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began." In other words, after years of questioning the patriotism of those who criticized his decision or the conduct of the war, he'll give up on that battle as long as we all stay away from the one point that is likely to bring the entire house of cards crumbling down, namely; How the war began. Or more aptly, how he began it.
Something like six out of ten Americans now believe Bush lied to get the Iraq War started.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Remembrance Day

From Afghanistan

From Yahoo: "Captain John Cochrane, right, and Captain Darryl Damude, second from right, salute during the playing of the Canadian National Anthem at the Remembrance Day ceremony held at the Kandahar Airfield in Afghanistan, Friday, Nov. 11, 2005. The ceremony held at Kandahar Airfield was a Canadian-led multi-national ceremony where deployed Canadian, American and British military forces gathered together to pay respects and remember those who served and died for their country. (AP Photo/Canadian Forces Combat, Robert Bottrill, HO)"


"Cpl. Kristie McKay with Task Force Afghanistan, places her poppy in a wreath following the conclusion of the Remembrance Day ceremony held at the Kandahar Airfield in Afghanistan, Friday (AP Photo/Canadian Forces, Robert Bottrill, HO)"

From Canada

"Veterans march to the cenotaph during Remembrance Day ceremonies Friday, Nov. 11, 2005 in Quebec City. (AP PHOTO/CP, Jacques Boissinot)"


"Students from John Paul I high school hold up signs during Remembrance Day ceremonies in Montreal, Friday, Nov. 11, 2005. (AP PHOTO/CP, Ryan Remiorz)"


"A poppy is placed alongside other poppies and a thank you sign left on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier following Remembrance Day ceremonies at the National War Memorial in Ottawa, Friday, Nov. 11, 2005. (AP PHOTO/CP, Tom Hanson)"

Does Karl Rove now remind us of Uncle Junior?

This is priceless.
The Federalist Society is a big-time conservative group of lawyers and scholars who claim to have actual principles, like respect for the spirit of the law and stuff like that.
So Karl Rove decides to piggyback on their reputation to try to polish some of the tarnish off his own image. And they let him. He was one of the keynote speakers at the 2005 National Lawyers Convention.
And as a result, the Society itself ends up talking like the Soprano's defense team -- turning its principles inside out and trashing all of its own dearly-held values just to defend the sleazy Rove.
Here's what one member actually said: "Everybody's presumed innocent until convicted and a mere investigation shouldn't hinder anyone's political activities". And here's the conference co-chair speaking: "He's come into the cross-hairs of criticism from the liberal establishment here in Washington [and when the establishment can't defeat the power of one's ideas] they crank up the engine of personal attack in order to distract the leaders."
So I imagine Jack Abramhoff and Tom Delay will be speaking at their next meeting? And then Bill Clinton? How about OJ next? And Blake? And maybe Saddam Hussein at the meeting after that?

Great line of the day

"We must not surrender flag and faith to those who would use both to support a war which honors neither."
This is from a very interesting essay "Confessions of a Repentant Republican" which I found originally on The Smirking Chimp. The whole essay is well written and presents a coherent framework for opposition to the war in Iraq -- a worthwhile read.

When the gales of November come early


I had forgotten that the wreck Of the Edmund Fitzgerald happened on 30 years ago, on November 10:
Music
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called 'Gitche Gumee'
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early.

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?

The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T'was the witch of November come stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.

When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin'.
Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya.
At seven P.M. a main hatchway caved in, he said
Fellas, it's been good t'know ya
The captain wired in he had water comin' in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when his lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searches all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the Gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call 'Gitche Gumee'.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early!

Friday Cat-and-Dog blogging

I love stories like this one:

"A schnauzer-Siberian husky mix named Ginny will be eulogized Nov. 19 at the Westchester Cat Show, where she was named Cat of the Year in 1998 for her uncanny skill and bravery in finding and rescuing endangered tabbies . . . Among the best-known rescues is the time Ginny threw herself against a vertical pipe at a construction site to topple it and reveal the kittens trapped inside. She once ignored the cuts on her paws as she dug through a box full of broken glass to find an injured cat inside." For more about this remarkable dog, see the Ginny Fan Club website.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Prime Minister Chalabi?

LiberalOasis notes that Chalabi is "being spun once again as a possible prime minister" for Iraq. Well, I suppose its a possible outcome, if he can figure out a way to steal the Dec. 15 election . . . Hey, do you think THAT'S why he's visiting in Washington this week? To get some election-stealing tips from the masters?

Wanker

What an asshole!: "Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito said Thursday he was 'unduly restrictive' in promising in 1990 to avoid appeals cases involving two investment firms and said he has not made any rulings in which he had a 'legal or ethical obligation' to step aside. "
Yeah, sure, Sam -- so what are you lying about NOW?