Friday, October 31, 2008

Great news!

Well, this is just such great news! Obama is really a secret Canadian -- so this means he can run for the Liberal leadership! Pandagon explains:
Malcolm X had a love child with a University of Hawaii student who moved to Seattle and he then made go over the border to Canada to have a child whose parentage and name he then conspired to give to a Kenyan national still in Hawaii and then manufactured a fake birth certificate to hide the fact that the kid was born in Canada, despite the fact that he would have been born to two American parents and therefore an American citizen anyway.
but because he was born here, he's still a Canadian. So he can be our prime minister -- and won't he make a great Liberal leader? Manley just won't cut it compared to Barak-mania. And Iggy, well, better luck next time.
But in the comments, more conspiracies emerge:
Malcolm X? Pshaw! Obama’s education proves that his father can only be Gordon from Sesame Street.
Mr. Hooper tried to warn us, but was silenced.
And Big Bird knows everything. Why isn’t he talking? Maybe George Snuffalupagus will tell us on Sunday, when a panel consisting of Oscar (R-Garbage Can), Elmo (L-Some Garish Nightmare) and Kermit (Sesame Street News reporter) will speak to that and other issues of the day. Also, Ernie and Bert will speak out against California’s Proposition 8.

Do you naive fools think that this plot started with Obama’s birth (assuming he was “born” in the conventional sense of the word), let alone 1950? Oh no, even now, two stories under the paving stones of Red Square, Lenin is slowly awakening from suspended animation, ready to join the Manchurian Candidate Obama in imposing the Dictatorship of the Negroteriat on the entire world!

Denzel also starred in ... [wait for it] ... the re-make of The Manchurian Candidate. Co-incidence? I think NOT!

Ha! Although obviously this conspiracy theory is fact because it’s clearly based in reality and not at all on nonsensical hallucinogenic ramblings. If Obama doesn’t make it to the White House, Malcolm X’s other secret love child will have to make a go at it. And I don’t know about you, but I really don’t think Kanye West would be good under presidential pressure.
I mean. Did you see the way he screamed at that little girl at that pumpkin judging contest?

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